Unwavering Samsara – Time to Awake


A few weeks ago I had what some may call a ‘near-death experience.’ Without getting into too much detail, I will say that I was rushed to the ER in an ambulance off the highway in what I heard was a four car pile-up. I was taken out of my car and placed on a stretcher, with a brace around my neck. I was terrified, tense, and almost half there for much of the immediate experience. During the time in the hospital I felt like I was being treated by strangers– although there were some notes of kindness and warmth in humanity that shone out. Today as I sit here typing I can honestly say that it is a miracle that I am OK. I have just a little swelling and bruising, along with the expected tightness in the shoulders and back. I know it was divine grace because when my father and I drove to see my vehicle the next morning and it was smashed. My airbag did not deploy and my seat belt was not of use. This is what some may name ‘a wake-up call’. Because I was on my way to teach at a retreat on the beach (at the beloved Squam-by-the-Sea) I had to make the decision as to whether or not to go. The next day I had the click that I should, that feeling that tells me “yes. I am so glad I did. Nothing is more healing to me then the ocean air and sound of waves, or the way the light hits the water. It was so fulfilling also because my students brought it — I mean they rocked it — in meaning, technique, openness, realization, transformation, and co-creation. Below are some examples of their work. Each piece varies in its myth and narrative, along with sacred symbolism and just exploration of materials. These classes were nothing less than joyous.

A few days into the retreat I ventured out into the beach where I joined a circle of divine and gorgeous women. After the circle organically closed I was given a milkweed pod by the lovely Jen Gray. She told us to to make a wish and release the seeds onto the sea. So I held it close until my wish sank into my being from my hands and to all the little light-whispies enclosed inside this gorgeous container. As I watched them float out into the infinite blue, over the waves, I felt that little miracle-knowing again… this one being how simple and profound it is to be alive.

This Samsara– or cycle of life and death continues on, unwaverlingly, on this fragile and wild Earth. So many intense changes are afoot, as consciousness creeps in.. knocking– gently or loudly– at the door of the human body. So here I am today, still here, way too young to go anytime soon (that’s at least what my mind told me at the time). I ask myself what I so often ask my students: What am I most longing for? What do I know? How do I live each day with reverence? What dream is taking place within me that is yearning to express itself? Everyday that we have on this Earth is a gift– there are no guarantees, no promises made. Life can be a celebration; of the ones we love, of the practices we love, of the evolution of loving and caring for oneself. For me, in my post-accident state of mind, my feeling right now is to slow down and be clear, be aware of this moment that is taking place. Make time for my practice, sans distraction, sans the illusion and enticement of what we think fulfills us. Also, to learn how to receive. The post-divorcee archetype of the strong and independent woman carries some illusion, as nothing is as feminine at times than the art of receiving. So in the greater scheme and design of things, when I do ponder the nature of Samsara, perhaps everything is witnessed / everything is observed… yet from a place of higher (and non-judgmental) love. 

My demo painting (a little botanical/mixed media/alchemical creation)– this baby is also for sale. Update: now sold.
Untitled-1Back in the warmth: hands open, face graciously alright. Ready to receive and let it in. 
There inevitably will come a time for the great let-go… but until then, why not let it in? Letting in means loving fearlessly. Letting in means seeing the truth. Letting in means you are you and I am me. Letting in is a natural law, it is human, as much as the letting go.

6 thoughts on “Unwavering Samsara – Time to Awake

  1. I am so happy you are okay. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I endured an experience like that and was so grateful to still be given the chance to be here and live my life to its fullest. Continue on and follow your heart. Much love.

  2. the work your students made is incredible! I also am so glad you are OK. you are gift to us all, keep shining and sharing. . I had a similar experience after my accident so this was so touching to read.

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